A Father’s Role & Responsibility in Raising Children

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4

There is a weight that rests upon the shoulders of every parent, an invisible yet undeniable burden given by God Himself, the weight of shaping a soul for eternity. Few responsibilities in life are as sacred, as consequential, and as deeply interwoven with the heart of God as the call to raise children under His authority. Parents are not merely caretakers of physical needs; they are shepherds of the heart, instructors of wisdom, and stewards of a soul’s journey toward Christ.

Yet, in this high calling, Scripture places both a warning and an exhortation before fathers specifically, a caution not to provoke their children to anger and a command to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. These words are not casually given; they stand as guardrails to keep the path of parenting from veering into either harsh authoritarianism or passive neglect.

As we continue our study of Ephesians 6:1-4, we must recognize that biblical parenting is not merely about enforcing rules but about reflecting the heart of our Heavenly Father. It is about exercising authority with love, correcting with wisdom, and leading with humility, so that our children might come to know and honor the Lord.

The Father’s Role
It is significant that Paul specifically addresses fathers in this passage. While the call to biblical parenting applies to both parents, fathers bear a unique responsibility before God as the spiritual leaders of the home. Throughout Scripture, the father is portrayed as the head of the household, accountable not only for the material provision of his family but also for their spiritual well-being.

God’s design for fatherhood is one of leadership, protection, and discipleship. In Genesis 18:19, God declares of Abraham:

“For I have chosen him, that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice.”

The father’s role is not to be a distant provider or a passive figurehead, but an active shepherd of his children’s faith. He is called to teach, to correct, to model godliness, and to lead his home in the fear of the Lord. Yet, in our time, the decline of biblical fatherhood has left a devastating void. Many homes are marked by absent fathers, both physically and emotionally. Some have abandoned their responsibilities altogether, while others remain but abdicate their spiritual leadership. The consequences are huge, children left to be raised by a culture that is eager to disciple them in the ways of the world, rather than in the ways of God, children who know little of the meaning of respect for authority and have never seen loving authority modeled.

Even within Christian homes, it is far too common for fathers to leave the spiritual training of their children solely to mothers, churches, or Christian schools. But Scripture never presents parenting as a task to be outsourced. While mothers play a vital role in the discipleship of their children, fathers are called to lead in this sacred responsibility.

“The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.” – Proverbs 23:24

When a father takes his role seriously, leading in love, disciplining in wisdom, and pointing his children to Christ, he lays the foundation for a home where God’s presence is honored, where faith is cultivated, and where children grow under the blessing of godly instruction.

A Warning
Before Paul commands fathers to raise their children in the discipline of the Lord, he first gives a warning:

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.”

This is a stern command. While fathers are given God-ordained authority, they are also given strict guidelines for how that authority is to be exercised. A father who misuses his role, who disciplines in harshness, rules with an iron fist, or crushes the spirit of his child, is in direct violation of this command.

The Greek word for “provoke” (parorgizō) carries the meaning of exasperating, embittering, or frustrating someone to the point of deep resentment. Paul is warning against a type of parenting that wounds rather than trains, that tears down rather than builds up, that enforces rules without relationship.

How does this happen? What are the ways in which fathers (and parents in general) unintentionally provoke their children to anger? Here are a few:

1. Hypocrisy in the Home
   There is nothing that disillusions a child more quickly than a parent who preaches one thing and lives another. A father who demands respect but does not respect his own authority, who expects honesty but lies himself, who enforces self-control but lacks it in his own life, such a father breeds resentment, not reverence.

Children have a keen sense for inconsistency. When they see a parent who professes Christ but does not reflect Christ, they learn not to take faith seriously. The greatest sermon a father will ever preach is his own life, the way he speaks, the way he repents, the way he loves, the way he leads.

“Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” – 1 Corinthians 11:1

2. Harsh or Unreasonable Discipline
   There is a world of difference between firm, loving discipline and harsh, punitive punishment. A father who rules with excessive severity, constant criticism, or an unwillingness to extend grace will provoke his children to anger rather than instruct them in righteousness.

The purpose of discipline is to train, not to break. When a child sees discipline as an expression of love rather than a demonstration of power, they learn to submit not only to parental authority but ultimately to the authority of God.

“For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives.” – Hebrews 12:6

3. Neglect or Indifference
   Just as excessive severity can provoke a child to anger, so too can passive neglect. A father who is too busy, too distracted, or too disengaged to invest in the spiritual, emotional, and relational needs of his child communicates a devastating message: “You are not worth my time.”

Paul gives direction to Father’s on how to rear their children in the next sentence:

A child may not have the words to express this wound, but it will take root nonetheless. It is not enough to provide food, shelter, and financial stability, a child needs presence, affection, instruction, and time. A father who neglects his child’s heart forfeits his influence over their soul.

Raising Children with a Nourishing Spirit

“But bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Paul’s choice of words in “bring them up” (Greek: ektrephō) is significant. It is the same word used in Ephesians 5:29 to describe how a husband nourishes and cherishes his wife. It carries the sense of gentle cultivation, tender care, and patient nurturing. It is the language of a gardener tending to delicate seedlings, ensuring they have everything they need to flourish.

Christian parents are not called to rule their children with an iron fist nor to leave them to raise themselves. They are to shepherd them, guiding them with truth, strengthening them with grace, and correcting them with wisdom. Many parents fall into one of two extremes, either parenting with harshness and legalism, which crushes the child’s spirit, or parenting with passivity, which neglects the child’s need for guidance and discipline. Both fail to reflect the heart of God.

Bringing up a child in the discipline and instruction of the Lord means cultivating a home where truth is upheld, grace is extended, and Christ is exalted. It means training children not only in what to believe but in how to walk with the Lord. A godly home is more than a place where Christian values are taught, it is where they are lived, breathed, and seen in action.

Children are always watching. They will learn not only from what is preached but from what is practiced. If they hear about the love of God but never see grace extended in their home, they will struggle to believe in the mercy of Christ. If they are taught about holiness but witness hypocrisy, they will grow cynical toward the faith. True biblical instruction does not merely inform the mind; it shapes the heart.

Paul first commands parents to bring up their children “in the discipline of the Lord”. The word discipline (paideia) in Greek does not merely refer to punishment. It is a comprehensive term for training and education, one that includes instruction, correction, and moral development. It is the same word used in Hebrews 12:6, where we are reminded that the Lord disciplines those He loves.

Discipline in a biblical sense is not about exerting control or demanding perfection. It is about correcting in love, training in righteousness, and shaping a child’s character for the glory of God. A child who grows up without discipline is like a tree without a guiding stake, left to grow wild, weak, and unstable. The goal of discipline is not to break the will of a child but to direct it toward wisdom, humility, and obedience to God.

A home where discipline is consistent, loving, and rooted in biblical principles creates an atmosphere of security and trust. Children do not flourish in environments of harshness and fear, nor do they thrive in homes where anything goes. They need boundaries that reflect God’s law and correction that mirrors His love.

To discipline a child in the Lord means that correction should always point them to Christ. It should teach them not just what is wrong, but what is right. It should restore rather than humiliate, guide rather than crush, and correct with the heart of a father, not the force of a tyrant.

A father who disciplines without grace teaches his child to fear authority but not to trust it. A parent who punishes without explanation fosters resentment rather than repentance. True biblical discipline is not about behavior modification but heart transformation. It is about leading a child toward wisdom, toward truth, toward holiness, toward Christ.

Instruction: Teaching Children the Ways of the Lord
Paul’s second command is to bring up children in the instruction of the Lord. The word instruction (nouthesia) refers to admonition, teaching, and warning. It is not merely about correction when things go wrong but about actively instilling truth before they do.

Many parents only instruct their children when they have disobeyed. But biblical instruction is not reactionary, it is proactive. It is not just about warning children away from sin but about directing them toward righteousness. This means that parents are not only disciplinarians but also teachers. They are to speak the Word of God into their children’s lives daily, to answer their questions with wisdom, and to fill their hearts and minds with the truth of Scripture.

Moses gave this charge to the people of Israel in Deuteronomy 6:6-7:

“These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

This is a picture of a home saturated with the presence of God. Teaching children about the Lord is not a one-time event, it is a daily, ongoing conversation. It happens at the dinner table, during car rides, in bedtime prayers, and in everyday moments. A child’s understanding of God begins in the home. They will first learn who God is by the way their parents speak of Him, the way they worship, and the way they model their faith. Parents who take the time to read Scripture with their children, to pray with them, and to teach them the ways of the Lord are not just raising moral individuals, they are discipling the next generation of Christ-followers.

Raising children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord is not an easy calling, nor is it one that guarantees immediate results. There will be days when it feels like nothing is taking root, when rebellion seems stronger than obedience, when the seeds of truth seem slow to sprout. But faithfulness in parenting is not about seeing quick results, it is about trusting in God’s promises. It is God alone who changes the heart. Parents are called to plant, to water, to nurture, but the harvest belongs to the Lord. No labor done in obedience to Him is ever in vain. The child trained in righteousness may stray for a season, but the Word of God sown into their heart will not return void.

May we parent and grandparent with patience, with wisdom, and with unshakable faith, not in our own strength, but in the faithfulness of the God who has entrusted these little souls into our care. May we lead them not just to morality, but to Christ Himself, so that one day, by His grace, they too may rise and say:

“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” – 3 John 4