Loving as One’s Own Body

The weight of Paul’s words in Ephesians 5 continues to grow heavier with each verse, as he unfolds the mystery of marriage and unveils additional depth of meaning in the light of Christ and His church. If it were not already enough that husbands are called to love as Christ loved the church, to give themselves up in sacrificial devotion, and to lead their wives in sanctification, Paul deepens the meaning of this call yet again. He shifts the analogy from Christ and the church to a man’s own body, binding together the reality that a husband and wife are not merely two individuals joined in covenant, but one flesh, one body, one inseparable union.

“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” (Ephesians 5:28-30)

This passage serves as another layer of truth, reinforcing what has already been stated. The love of a husband is not an external obligation, it is a love that is so intimate, so intertwined with his very being, that to love his wife is to love himself, and to neglect his wife is to neglect his own soul. The two have become one, and what affects one inevitably affects the other.

One Flesh
From the very beginning, marriage was designed to be more than a partnership, it was created to be a fusion of two lives into one essence. This is why Paul, only a few verses later, quotes directly from Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is not poetic language, nor is it merely symbolic. It is a spiritual and covenantal reality, one that reaches beyond human comprehension.

When God joined Adam and Eve together, He did not merely declare them partners in life, He created them to be of one flesh, one body, one existence before Him. This means that marriage is not like any other human relationship. It is not like a friendship that can be set aside. It is not like a business partnership that can be dissolved. It is an indivisible unity, bound together by the decree of God Himself.

This is why divorce is such a tragedy. It is not merely the breaking of a contract, it is the tearing apart of something that has been made one, the painful severing of something that was never meant to be separate. It is why Christ Himself said, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mark 10:9). The bond is not just emotional, it is spiritual, it is covenantal, it is divine.

And so when Paul commands husbands to love their wives as their own bodies, he is not making a mere suggestion for good relational harmony, he is declaring a reality. The husband and wife are one. To love her is to love himself. To neglect her is to neglect himself. To honor her is to honor himself. And to wound her is to bring suffering upon his own flesh.

The Example of Christ’s Own Body
Paul does not let this truth stand alone, he immediately ties it to Christ’s love for His own body, the church. Just as no man hates his own body, but instead nourishes and cherishes it, so Christ does for the church.

The imagery is insightful. A man cares for his own body instinctively. He does not forget to feed it. He does not ignore its needs. He does not subject it to unnecessary harm or neglect. When he is hungry, he seeks nourishment. When he is injured, he seeks healing. When he is tired, he seeks rest. There is an innate care that every person has for their own physical well-being. This, Paul says, is how a husband must care for his wife. She is not separate from him. Her well-being is his well-being. Her suffering is his suffering. Her flourishing is his flourishing. This is the measure of true love, a love that does not simply seek to fulfill an external duty, but a love that is so intimately bound up in the reality of one flesh that to cherish her is as natural as cherishing one’s own body.

And here again, Paul does not leave the husband without an example. He lifts the eyes of every man to Christ Himself, who nourishes and cherishes the church, His own body. This is not a passive, detached care, but an active, intentional, and unrelenting love. Christ does not abandon His body, nor does He let it wither in neglect. He provides, He sustains, He feeds, He strengthens, He heals. He takes constant and deliberate care over His church.

This is how a husband is to love his wife. He does not let her languish in loneliness. He does not starve her of affection. He does not allow the marriage to drift into complacency, as though she were merely another part of his life. She is his life, and just as Christ tends to His body with divine care, so must he tend to his bride with the same level of devotion.

The Failure to Love as One’s Own Body
What happens when a man does not love his wife in this way? What is the consequence of neglecting this truth?

A man who does not love his wife as his own body ultimately brings destruction upon himself. He may think that his neglect only affects her, but in reality, it wounds them both. A husband who fails to cherish his wife will inevitably experience a broken and lifeless marriage. Just as a person who neglects their body will eventually experience weakness, sickness, and decay, a husband who neglects his wife will see his marriage deteriorate before his eyes. And worst of all, he misrepresents Christ. He was called to reflect the love of Christ for His church, and instead, he has displayed a false image of Christ, one of apathy, carelessness, and abandonment. This is a terrifying reality.

This truth should awaken every husband to the weight of his divine calling. It should cause him to ask himself, “Am I nourishing my wife spiritually? Am I cherishing her with the care that I give my own body? Do I tend to her needs, her burdens, her struggles? Or have I left her to carry them alone? Have I neglected my role, assuming that she will be fine without my leadership, without my prayers, without my love?”

A man does not ignore his own hunger. He does not leave his wounds untended. He does not abandon his body to suffer without care. Yet, how many husbands ignore the needs of their wives? How many leave them starving for love, attention, wounded by neglect, weary from carrying burdens alone?

Paul’s words leave no room for such negligence. A husband is bound to his wife. She is his own flesh, and he is to love her accordingly. This is how Christ loves the church. And this is how a husband is to love his bride, with deep care, with unwavering devotion, with the knowledge that she is not separate from him, but a part of him, inseparably bound, until the day when Christ calls them both into glory.